Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
