Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
