A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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