T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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