we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
