Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
