some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She tied me up with her honor cords...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
