dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
