Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
