Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
