I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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