Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
