And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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