At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize