Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
