so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
