I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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