I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and she was petting her beer can
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
