he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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