she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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