well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize