That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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