Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
