I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
