sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
