fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
