It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
