My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize