You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
