critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
