I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
