I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
