Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
