Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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