Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
