So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I AM VODKA MAN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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