Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
