He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
