I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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