i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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