i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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