I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
