Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
