What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
