Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
