This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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