you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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