i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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