we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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