I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
