at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
