if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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