What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
if only i could text you this smell
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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