kristin has been a bad kristin
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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