Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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