im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
