Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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