So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just forgot I was standing up.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
