I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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