he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
