Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this will be a night to untag.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
