Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
