This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize