she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
