I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
