Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
