Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
