I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize